Slow but steady wins the race

Aesop

Some days being a special needs parent is really difficult. Today is one of those days. A lot of my friends have had babies within the same six months to a year of us having Corbin and while I know that his milestones would be different than his peers, not only due to his SB but also because of his pre-maturity. at times it can make my mom heart confused and upset when I see his peers surpassing him, or younger babies hitting milestones much more quickly and easily than he can. All of his doctors consistently say how well he is doing, and how they believe he is on track, but to see kiddos much younger rolling and crawling all over the place is challenging. I feel selfish even expressing these thoughts. Mobility is not a pre-requisite for happiness, and he will achieve what he can, and I am so proud of him always. It almost is just a stark reminder of the part of me that still blames myself for his condition.

Every doctor has told me that is not the case. But when we go several weeks with no changes, and seem to stagnate, I cant help but battle the little voice in my head that reminds me that if only I had grown him better, he would not have to deal with all of this. The logical part of my brain knows this was not my fault, but some days I backslide pretty hard. I just so badly want him to know how much I love him, and how he fills me with awe with every milestone.

I will never forget the first time I saw him non-nonchalantly roll over, and then give me a face like, “Oh this is no big deal mommy!” It IS a big deal little guy! and YOU are a big deal.

You are the BIGGEST deal.

We have a clinical/traditional PT evaluation in a few weeks through the Children’s Hospital. I have heard nothing but great things about their therapists, and I cannot wait to get him in weekly therapy. I am hoping this proactive approach helps him reach some milestones that he is SO CLOSE to. I feel like he is really close to rolling over in the other direction, and to crawling, and would love some strategies to help him as much as I can.

This week has had some ups and downs… then more ups, …. and then more downs. A roller coaster of emotions for this mama.

He is getting there, in his own way, and on his own time. I need to remind myself of this from time to time.

He is mine, and he is perfect.